That stupid bitch thinks she's gonna get a bunch of sympathy for being a fugitive. Not this time. This is the one story that gives her the whippin she deserves. Anne Frank was a hardened criminal by the age of 13. That's right. When the Germans asked her to report for a free train ride, she disobeyed the law and we all know the government couldn't possibly be wrong about anything.
So she kept a diary. Big deal. A whole book talking about underage girls kissing in secret annexes and hiding from the law. Finally Anne was captured and sent to Bergen Belsen where she recieved free food, free clothes and free housing.
She became very sick so Anne and her sister were transferred to the typhus block. The Nazis even allowed them to bunk together and yet, they didn't even have the decency to volunteer for work detail. Then they died. The SS guard probably ordered she be burried with many other people so she wouldn't be lonely. Her burial was totally free and she never even said thank you.
The End
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
A non creepy message
Ali Morrisey is a stupid bitch. Here I took the time to send her a nice, non creepy message begging her to take me back as a facebook friend and she just ignores me. So I may or may not have deleted her during my '09 purge of frenemies. There's a lot of stories going around about that and because they're all made up by me, we'll never figure it out.
It's true: I could probably put together a handful of spiteful people that would call her "a whore," "Paris Hilton" or any other rich bitch euphemism and it's true that crawling back to her via the internet wasn't my finest moment. but I'm not holding any grudges. Of course not. The fact that I bumped her from 1st place on my "Girls I wanna make out with" list is pure coincidence. Maybe your asking: "If she's such a bitch, why do you care about being friends in the first place?" It's not because she's beautiful. It's not because of her flowing, stallion black hair or because the melodious sound of her voice hypnotizes you and unable to speak or move, you think to yourself while drooling a little: Is this gorgeous girl really talking to a loser like me? No, it's none of these things. It's the dissertation she could have written about World Peace. It would have been amazing.
2-4-2011
It's true: I could probably put together a handful of spiteful people that would call her "a whore," "Paris Hilton" or any other rich bitch euphemism and it's true that crawling back to her via the internet wasn't my finest moment. but I'm not holding any grudges. Of course not. The fact that I bumped her from 1st place on my "Girls I wanna make out with" list is pure coincidence. Maybe your asking: "If she's such a bitch, why do you care about being friends in the first place?" It's not because she's beautiful. It's not because of her flowing, stallion black hair or because the melodious sound of her voice hypnotizes you and unable to speak or move, you think to yourself while drooling a little: Is this gorgeous girl really talking to a loser like me? No, it's none of these things. It's the dissertation she could have written about World Peace. It would have been amazing.
2-4-2011
Top 5 Girls I wanna make out with
The original post (April, 2011)
Truth be told, originally there were no mechanics behind the "Top 5 Girls I wanna make out with" list. It's quite arguable dissecting such a thing and adding needless mechanics is a self serving indulgence. After all, what could be more callous than rating women?
Well I'm not rating them. I'm only putting them on a pedestal to advocate my self serving agenda: make out with all of them. What could possibly be selfish about that?
You see I used to be a hopeless romantic, but years of doing time in "the friend box" have hardened me into a man who no longer sends anonymous flowers or journals about "that one time she touched my arm."
You've no idea how badly I wish there were more than 5 spots on the list but there simply aren't with good reason. You never know when all 5 girls could show up and force you to make out with them one by one under penalty of the whip. Thats not some twisted fantasy by the way. I'm sure it happens all the time in some part of the world.
This list could just as easily be hidden away in some notebook with the heading: dear diary. It's not though. It's actually on this thing called the Internet as a wake up call to cute girls everywhere: if your not on the list, get on it.
But seriously, no pressure. It's not like I created this thing hoping that some girl way out of my league would be all: "aww that's so sweet. Maybe I'll make out with you just this once" so then I could live with the memory forever and ever. Of course I never thought of that.
I'm not desperate. I don't look at these girls longingly, lips agape in anticipation of that one warm enclosure; lips to lips, two hearts beating as one for a single, blissful moment. No I didn't.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Truth be told, originally there were no mechanics behind the "Top 5 Girls I wanna make out with" list. It's quite arguable dissecting such a thing and adding needless mechanics is a self serving indulgence. After all, what could be more callous than rating women?
Well I'm not rating them. I'm only putting them on a pedestal to advocate my self serving agenda: make out with all of them. What could possibly be selfish about that?
You see I used to be a hopeless romantic, but years of doing time in "the friend box" have hardened me into a man who no longer sends anonymous flowers or journals about "that one time she touched my arm."
You've no idea how badly I wish there were more than 5 spots on the list but there simply aren't with good reason. You never know when all 5 girls could show up and force you to make out with them one by one under penalty of the whip. Thats not some twisted fantasy by the way. I'm sure it happens all the time in some part of the world.
This list could just as easily be hidden away in some notebook with the heading: dear diary. It's not though. It's actually on this thing called the Internet as a wake up call to cute girls everywhere: if your not on the list, get on it.
But seriously, no pressure. It's not like I created this thing hoping that some girl way out of my league would be all: "aww that's so sweet. Maybe I'll make out with you just this once" so then I could live with the memory forever and ever. Of course I never thought of that.
I'm not desperate. I don't look at these girls longingly, lips agape in anticipation of that one warm enclosure; lips to lips, two hearts beating as one for a single, blissful moment. No I didn't.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
A Genesis
This is my very first entry on Blogpress and I feel compelled to do something special. There's incredible expectation here. After all, my readers demand eloquence, beauty along with a shit ton of fentanyl patches.
Let's talk about the evolution of this blog. So some chick got all freaked out being named in my monthly "top 5 girls I wanna make out with" list. She de-friended me and wouldn't even read the apology I sent. I mean, I get it. I shouldn't just use peoples full names without knowing them very well which is totally retarded. Next thing you know people will start getting all bent out of shape just because I'm using their social security numbers.
I'm not out to name names here (#2 on Aprils list) and I'm definitely not out to start setting up sexy facebook profiles of their dead grandmas either. But if that person would have read further, they might have picked up on the sincere compliment I was trying to pay them. I'm an eccentric writer, not everyone gets it. Whatever.
So here's the thing: I will now be posting most all my work using this new application on my iPod touch. Why? It's not just because of that clicking noise it makes when I type. I love that. I admit it's a bureaucratic maneuver. I'll no longer be posting blogs directly on facebook. From now on I pledge to post them on this private blog which then gets posted on facebook.
In addition to that, I'll no longer be posting full, legal names of girls on my "Top 5 Lists" out of respect; that stupid bitch.
See you real soon,
Ricky
A
Let's talk about the evolution of this blog. So some chick got all freaked out being named in my monthly "top 5 girls I wanna make out with" list. She de-friended me and wouldn't even read the apology I sent. I mean, I get it. I shouldn't just use peoples full names without knowing them very well which is totally retarded. Next thing you know people will start getting all bent out of shape just because I'm using their social security numbers.
I'm not out to name names here (#2 on Aprils list) and I'm definitely not out to start setting up sexy facebook profiles of their dead grandmas either. But if that person would have read further, they might have picked up on the sincere compliment I was trying to pay them. I'm an eccentric writer, not everyone gets it. Whatever.
So here's the thing: I will now be posting most all my work using this new application on my iPod touch. Why? It's not just because of that clicking noise it makes when I type. I love that. I admit it's a bureaucratic maneuver. I'll no longer be posting blogs directly on facebook. From now on I pledge to post them on this private blog which then gets posted on facebook.
In addition to that, I'll no longer be posting full, legal names of girls on my "Top 5 Lists" out of respect; that stupid bitch.
See you real soon,
Ricky
A
Location:Blogpress
Top 5 list (April 2011)
Top 5 list ll Blog
The list has been updated! Feel free to at least pretend you care. The fact I'm publishing such a candid admission of affection means one thing. Its confession time. I haven't made out with anyone for a while.
I did have a beautiful girlfriend this last winter who I made out with constantly but she died. I haven't made out with her since. On that note: the new edition of "Top 5 Girls I wanna make out with."
1. Katrina
2. Karla
3. Christine
4. Erin
5. Eliza
So what's happened? because you are SO interested...
Well congratulations are in order to Katrina for defending her title as number 1. Maybe it's the way she wears everything so fashionably, maybe it's her clever diction or the fact she has a boyfriend which makes her unattainable which spirals me into hopeless infatuation.
Moving on. Let's welcome newcomer Carla. She rightfully had the 3rd place position but extenuating circumstances pushed her ahead: a winning personality. That plus an awesome sense of humor. See, she's not some distant character I speak of and never meet. She's a real person and she's infiltrated Plan B: the coffee house where I write most of this day dreaming nonsense. It actually blows my mind girls like her even talk to me.
On again to number 3: Christine Marston. Co-worker, cheerleader, godess. She graciously corrected the spelling of her name after discovering she was on this list. She busts me staring all the time and holds my affection at an amused distance. What a good sport she is about this whole thing but what am I saying? She probably has a group on facebook dedicated to guys that wanna date her. This last week I almost started my own web site called: ChristineTiedMyApronAtWork.com
This could have been the clincher that pushed her from 4th place to 3rd. Either that or its my way of begging for forgiveness for showing up late for work, forcing her to stay an extra hour. She hasn't spoken to me since. :-(
Eliza James plummeted down from number 2 only because she lives in LA, is semi famous now and the last time I had a chance to kiss her was 8 years ago. There in a moody Hollywood bar, we were doing shots and passing the lemons mouth to mouth. When it got to be our turn: the tequila ran out...and that about sums up my luck with women.
Until next time...
The End
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod touch, bitches.
The list has been updated! Feel free to at least pretend you care. The fact I'm publishing such a candid admission of affection means one thing. Its confession time. I haven't made out with anyone for a while.
I did have a beautiful girlfriend this last winter who I made out with constantly but she died. I haven't made out with her since. On that note: the new edition of "Top 5 Girls I wanna make out with."
1. Katrina
2. Karla
3. Christine
4. Erin
5. Eliza
So what's happened? because you are SO interested...
Well congratulations are in order to Katrina for defending her title as number 1. Maybe it's the way she wears everything so fashionably, maybe it's her clever diction or the fact she has a boyfriend which makes her unattainable which spirals me into hopeless infatuation.
Moving on. Let's welcome newcomer Carla. She rightfully had the 3rd place position but extenuating circumstances pushed her ahead: a winning personality. That plus an awesome sense of humor. See, she's not some distant character I speak of and never meet. She's a real person and she's infiltrated Plan B: the coffee house where I write most of this day dreaming nonsense. It actually blows my mind girls like her even talk to me.
On again to number 3: Christine Marston. Co-worker, cheerleader, godess. She graciously corrected the spelling of her name after discovering she was on this list. She busts me staring all the time and holds my affection at an amused distance. What a good sport she is about this whole thing but what am I saying? She probably has a group on facebook dedicated to guys that wanna date her. This last week I almost started my own web site called: ChristineTiedMyApronAtWork.com
This could have been the clincher that pushed her from 4th place to 3rd. Either that or its my way of begging for forgiveness for showing up late for work, forcing her to stay an extra hour. She hasn't spoken to me since. :-(
Eliza James plummeted down from number 2 only because she lives in LA, is semi famous now and the last time I had a chance to kiss her was 8 years ago. There in a moody Hollywood bar, we were doing shots and passing the lemons mouth to mouth. When it got to be our turn: the tequila ran out...and that about sums up my luck with women.
Until next time...
The End
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod touch, bitches.
Location:Minneapolis
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