Buy my love: XXXIV

September 27th is that time of the year when we celebrate the day I came out of the womb all slimy and bloody. Eww. So back by popular demand is my twice annual "buy my love" birthday edition.

1. Let's start out with some small basic things that no one should be without. Like this iPad for instance. I'm not an extravagant person. That's why I've left it up to you on whether or not you want to include a custom cover.

(Seriously, if you get me this, you just bought my love for 5 years with an extended 2 year warranty. You needn't worry about my christmas gift or that person that's been bothering you at work. It's taken care of.)



2. Lets talk clothes. If your gift screams: "It's the thought that counts", chances are I'm throwing it out the window or using it as a washable ass wipe. Besides, why go through the trouble of trying to pick something out when EVERYTHING I've ever wanted is at Urban Outfitters this season.

(I only have 2 pairs of pants and I'm dangerously low on sweaters. Gift card. It's a no brainer people.)

3. Anyone that knows me knows I have an addictive personality. My current addiction is my iPhone and not only am I excited for the new one, I never have enough memory for both my music and apps. I've always wanted at least a 32GB phone or higher. This december marks my 2 years clean of heroin. Aren't you proud of me? No your not unless you order me the new iPhone



4. Music. It's the gift that keeps on giving and an iTunes card is the gift for the financially impaired. Now you can win a place in my heart for a minimum donation. This gift assures that everyone regardless of culture or social class can be a part of this, proving I'm not some greedy, manipulative person just trolling for gifts.

So there you have it. A modest and heartfelt edition of "buy my love". Just what my adoring public wants. Now please give me what I want. Besides, how can you put a price on unconditional love? Well I just did.

Send gifts via snail mail to the below address and email gifts to:
Autum_empires@yahoo.com

Be sure to check out Artiface for all your graphic design needs.

Location:2915 Red Hill Avenue # C107, Costa Mesa, CA 92626

What a girl wants, what a girl needs

Finally an excuse to blog again. I just read this Facebook post this girl put up saying that she wanted a guy just like in those 80's movies. You know, like John Cusak holding up that boom box in "Say Anything" or what's his face with the cake at the end of
"16 Candles".

So I had to shed some light on this farce and the stark contrast between what girls want and what they think they want. The truth is: those guys never win. Girls ignore them, break their hearts and walk all over them and that's what makes these movies so awesome! These guys finally win!

If a girl didn't have a guy with a million things to bitch about they would probably implode. The only way around implosion for a girl is to have no guy at all and play the whole "I'll never find my one true love...feel sorry for me" card.

So here is what you've all been waiting for: the actual profile of what a girl wants. Drum roll please.

They want a half interested guy with a slight air of douchiness. A guy who so rarely expresses his emotions that when he does, they can claim it as a victory.

Lets talk about victories for a moment. "A victory for what?" you may ask. A victory for what men really are to women: Their little projects.

Now small victories include girls getting us to see chick flicks, apologize for nothing and pretend to be nice to their catty girlfriends despite the fact they're constantly trying to sabotage our relationship with all that "advice" they keep giving her.

Major victories include us taking tango lessons, wearing khakis and (after your married) actually asking her permission to buy something with the money you made at the job you work.

You see I was once a guy much like the men from those classic 80's movies: full of youthful romance and not afraid to show it. Girls either ate me alive or paid no attention at all. I didn't actually get girls until i was crushed by the weight of the world and became a sarcastic, disinterested chauvinist.

The truth is girls want a guy that has a selfish agenda and will feign interest in them just long enough to get what he wants.

And what DO we want? The whole "I've been a naughty schoolgirl" thing. I'm pretty sure every guy wants that except me of course. I just wanna go out dancing, shop for trendy purses and someday have a baby. If only I could find girls like that. Perhaps I'll never find my one true love.
---

I haven't really been taking any pictures so instead of disappointing you, I just quick snazzed up these boring and terrible photos I did of two bus stations.



From Southdale



To uptown

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Happily unmarried