I had this dream I was arriving at an international train station. This young Nigerian girl behind me was hungry and asking for this smoothie I had bought out of machine so I gave it to her. We walked off the train & continued to talk until I forgot where I was or what train I was supposed to be on. So I stood there on the platform, people moving all around me, completely lost.
I've been couch surfing for 2 weeks now. I got into an argument last week with my roommate & she called the police who came & arrested me. The whole situation was messed up & I had had enough of being screamed at.
So without any of my medications, I laid in jail, curled in a ball for 3 days under a shoddy blanket. My cell mate made sure I was awake for roll call. I didn't eat, I didn't drink water for 3 days. Then I was released into 10 degree weather with no coat on & thankfully a friend came and got me. Thus began my nomadic state of being.
Last night I woke up at 9:14pm in a dark room in my boxers and a t shirt. I had no idea where I was. There's something about being homeless that puts me into a state of desperation & misery. I feel like I have no rock to lean on. Dreams go bad. I'm confused & stressed when I wake up & can't remember where I am.
I spend whole days at different coffee places or wherever I can find wifi. I wait all day until I can go home with whatever friend is nice enough to take me in that night. My favorite coffee house closed down so I spend hours on busses traveling the twin cities.
Today I got a new job. I didn't apply for it, I didn't look for it. It's with a prestigious company my father is consulting & the CEO has known my family since we lived out in California.
At this job I have to: never smoke (ever) even though I'm a chain smoker who smokes easily a pack a day of strong, all natural tobacco. I have to get my teeth fixed & replaced. I have to make it to work on a long bus line from a variety of long distance couches. I have to come off Suboxone which I've taken for well over 2 years & has helped me kick and stay clean from heroin all this time.
All these things have me so stressed out. I feel lost, I feel enormous pressure, I feel afraid.
Here are some scenes of my adventures & the closing day of my favorite coffee place.
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