It's not that I'm evil. I simply thrive on fear. Nothing wrong with that. Like being gay, retarded or the anti-Christ, it's something you probably realize at a young age.
Like the time I soaked my hand in ice water and waited under my sisters bed when she was struggling with nightmares as a child. I'm guessing she still struggles with that.
I'm sure this kind of thing is much more common than we let on. After all, who hasn't hidden in the kitchen before bed in an attempt to give their grandmother a heart attack? It's not like I ever did that but she shouldn't have been hitting the bottle in the first place.
I resent the terms "dysfunctional" or "predatory". They don't embrace the unique skills that go into preying on the inner fears of your family. It's just like hiding behind the pillows on your mothers bed and grabbing her throat as she's falling asleep. It takes dedication to lay perfectly still for 45 minutes.
Childhood is over in an instant it seems and before you know it, adolescence comes and the fears of your friends and family become harder to tap into. This one time my friend Phil came over and spent the night smoking dope in my blacklit room. We had some LSD and Phil was having a wonderful trip while my doses left me sober and irritated.
Why should he have all the fun? So I switched the conversation to ghost stories. After convincing him I had once seen a ceiling tile move in the middle of the night, I switched the topic to demon possession.
Being the good friend I was, I turned off all the lights and lit candles to enhance his hallucinations. After going into great detail about how demons suddenly take hold of the people they posses, I started fake convulsing on the floor and screaming profanities in a shrill, gurgling voice. He ended the night trembling in the corner, shielding himself with a bible.
The bottom line here is if I didn't love these people, why would I go to such great lengths to traumatize them? Don't answer that. Whether it's faking a demonic presence or putting rubber spiders in your sisters bed after watching "Arachnophobia", startling loved ones half to death never stops being funny.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Minneapolis
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