I understand that some people aren't proportioned like magazine models. So we have them in one corner. Fine. Then in the other corner we have fat, disgusting, gastropod like people that can hardly be separated into male/female categories. I usually just call them "that".
Like: "Did you see that thing stomp by? What the hell was that?"
There's this woman that comes into my work. (I'm being quite generous when I call it a woman) Here's her order:
"I'll have a double blended triple whipped chocolate shake with extra chocolate and a near lethal amount a whip cream. Oh and I'd like to speak to the manager about this store not being forklift accessible. How am I supposed to get out of here?"
Yes that's her. Fatty McFat Fat. Just today I was having trouble cutting two pastries apart for her so I'm just like "Screw this. Just have both of them."
Are you feeling sorry for her? Well you weren't there! This beast is a ghastly monster the likes of which, you have never seen with a MaryAnn haircut parted down the middle and less then shoulder length blonde hair that curls inwards towards her rippling neck. It looks like a wig.
After I was extremely nice to her, (I gave her a free pastry!) she didn't tip. She never tips.
She just waddles away with her whipped monstrosity of a shake and garbage bag full of pastries right onto a public sidewalk not made for industrial weight limits.
The other fattie that lurks about is not even a paying customer. She's an employee of a fast food joint next door. If you ever wonder why there's suddenly a haunting shadow cast over you, feel free to look around and she'll be there trying to blend in with a pillar like an elephant that hides behind a sapling.
Why, oh why does she lurk about spooking us with her head of curly black pubes and 5 o'clock shadow? SHE'S THERE JUST TO USE OUR BATHROOM.
She probably thinks our one person bathroom provides her with a certain anonymity while leaving her wildebeest sized crap loads for us to force down the pipes and wipe up after.
This land cow is really a marvel to behold. Although her size and disposition is enough to scare small birds to death, she still moves with absolute stealth. So sometimes you'll think you've just seen a giant bearded woman out of the corner of your eye but when you look, there's only the bathroom door swinging on it's hinges with a stank wafting so bad, horse flies drop dead.
Yes this toilette hunting stink factory only drops loads in our store without ever buying a thing just so she'll never have to clean up after herself.
What kind of a world is that ok in? If I only had an elephant gun...
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Minneapolis
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